The Man You Want to Marry

To those of you who don’t believe there are “good guys” out there, I totally disagree with you.  They may not be the norm, but they definitely exist.  There really are men out there who love and fear God, live their lives with integrity, who are devoted, loyal, and committed.  These are the best kind of men, and while they are rare, they are the ones who make the most impactful influence on the people around them.  They are awesome.  I am so thankful for Godly men who lead.  We need more of them.  If you are a single girl, I guarantee you that you want to marry one of them.  They are worth waiting for.  I am passionate about this because I know this type of man really exists and I want you to marry him.

A lot of things in relationships are open-handed issues.  These following “characteristics” or “qualities” are more of what I consider to be closed handed.  You can disagree with me.  That’s ok.  But here, in my opinion, is what you want to look for in the man you marry.  Non-negotiables if you will.  Enjoy!

Loves Jesus

Before you skip over this “obvious” first one, hear me out.  This is the most important, non-negotiable quality you want in the man you marry.  Sure, there are a lot of good little church boys out there.  There are even boys who will oblige to go to church but don’t really give two cents about anything being taught and are content to leave the “God stuff” for Sundays.  But trust me on this one.  You want a man who realizes his sinful state before God and has trusted in Jesus for his salvation and that truth has changed and penetrated to the core of who he is.  He can’t get over it.  His relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in the world to him and he is passionately in love with Him.  He is being led and convicted by the Word of God.  If he is not submitting to a higher authority than himself, you don’t want to be with him.  This is the man that you will be following for the rest of your life.  He is going to be the one to teach your kids about God. The last thing you want is to be dragging him to church with you on Sundays.  Wait for a man who loves Jesus. Nothing is more important.

Psalm 1:1-3 “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked…but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in season, and its leaf does not wither.  In all that he does, he prospers.”

Works Hard

The first couple weeks James and I started dating, I was secretly investigating to find out if he played video games.  That was a deal breaker for me – I vowed to never marry a man who played video games.  Maybe I am a little extreme, but I am convinced that videogames are the worst waste of valuable time on the planet.  So, luckily for James, he passed the test.  But here is my point in this: look for a man with great work ethic.  Few things are more attractive than a hard working man.  What does he spend his time doing? Is he able to hold down a big boy job? You don’t want to marry a man and become his “sugar mama.” You also don’t want to marry someone who lived in his parent’s basement and worked at Sonic until he was 28.  You want a man who can take care of you, manage his time well, and invest his life into things that matter.

Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men”

Involved in Community

If you meet a boy who is only friends with girls, RUN.  This is a huge waving red flag, and if you don’t see it, I will wave it in your face for you.  You are not his “best friend”, you are just another girl he is dragging around and creating an emotional relationship without any real commitment until someone new and more interesting comes along.  Few things irk me more than this.  Let me tell you what you want: you want a man who has deep friendships with other men.  This man does not spend time alone with girls.  This man is involved in accountability relationships where he is confessing his sin to other men, turning from it, and walking in the light.  He is not afraid to be real, vulnerable, and open with the men in his life.  This man will be investing his life discipling and pouring into younger Christians.  This man is teachable, meaning that he seeks out wisdom and discipleship from older men and learns from them.  This is the man you want to marry.

Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another”

Focused & Driven

Here is what I mean by this: you want to marry a man who is going somewhere with his life. And you are willing to follow him there, wherever that may be.  Look for someone with plans and ambitions.  Not just fun ideas to make him look cool, but real, deep rooted passions and callings that he is committed to. Passivity is so repelling.  Ambitions are attractive.  It is important to identify those things in him before you get married, because once you are husband and wife, his dreams, ambitions, plans and goals become yours.  You’re in it together now.  If you are content marrying a couch potato, I guess I won’t argue with you.  But I bet that you want more than that.  I bet you want someone who has a passion to make a difference in the world and will live his life to pursue that.  Whether it be to Africa or downtown Austin, are you going to be willing to follow him there?

Acts 20:24 “But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”


Final note: I believe it is important to wait for someone who is already striving after all of these things, not to date someone far from this in hopes that they one day become this.  If you aren’t seeing signs of it now, it’s highly unlikely that your persistent “help” (nagging) will change them.  That being said, every man, no matter how great he is, is a sinner and has shortcomings and weaknesses.  He is not perfect, so don’t expect him to be Jesus.  He can’t and he won’t.  He is a sinner saved by the grace of God, who is being sanctified everyday, just like you are.


This blog post is dedicated to the two most influential men in my life, my husband and my Dad.  I wrote this out of the framework of thinking of you two: who you are, the characteristics that mark your lives, and the things that you live for.  You two define biblical manhood for me.  Thank you for loving Jesus and giving your lives to serve Him.  I love you both.  



4 thoughts on “The Man You Want to Marry

  1. Hate to say this but I think everyone has different interest. I love to read and some people think this is a waste of time because they dont love to read. Its the same thing with video games. We all have our interest that may be considered time wasters…

    Also the whole “a man who has lots of female friends and emotional relationships with them… run away!”. I think it is important to have relationships with the opposite sex that are emotional and true friendships. It gives us men a window into the female perspective and I think its a true sign of emotional maturity if someone can have a true relationship based on friendship with the opposite sex.

    I have been told that having exes that are good friends (and they are obviously female friends) is weird… I think its sad that some people cant be friends with exes, that person knew you in a way your friends never will and can and will share a unique perspective with you.


  2. Thank you so much for such an amazing and powerful article. It is clear, simple and precise. it summarizes all what my wife and I were thinking about for our daughter who is trying to decide whether the man she dates is the right one.


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