I think we all have fears that are legitimate that result from a bad experience, emotional wounds, a traumatizing childhood, or many other contributing factors. But there are also the fears that are really just quite silly when you sit down and think about them. This morning, I was reflecting on my ridiculous fears (I have no idea why I was doing this), and the more I thought about them, the more ridiculous they seemed, so I thought I would share them with all who may care. So, with great anticipation and excitement, I introduce you to My Top Four Most Ridiculous Fears (in no particular order):
Disclaimer: there is nothing spiritual, enlightening, or inspiring about any of this post. Sorry. Maybe next time.
Fear of Gift Giving
I’m just going to throw this one out there – no matter how much I love you, I will probably never buy you a present. I realized the other day that one of my best friends had given me a birthday present every year for the past 6 years, and I had never bought her anything. Awesome. I think I have bought James a total of 0.5 presents in the nearly 3 years we have been together. It’s just not something I do. I don’t really understand this because my mom is one of the best and thoughtful gift givers out there. She puts a ton of work and thought into the gifts she gives, and I inherited zero of that quality from her. The thought of having to buy something, wrap it, give it to someone, watch them pretend to love it, and then find it in their garage sale 6 months later is too much for me to handle. I feel more confident walking around in the dark by myself at 2am to find a homeless man in the ghetto to give him a ride to the bus station than I do giving someone a gift. I’m working on getting better at this.
Fear of Being Late
I accredit my FOBL to my great sense of personal responsibility, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand. I used to work a job where it took me 35-40 minutes to get to work each morning, so I would leave an hour and a half early (no joke) to get there before anyone else had showed up (including the sun), park my car in the cemetery across the street, hang out with all the dead people and read my Bible until it was 15 minutes until 8am, then I would go clock in to start the day. What weirdo does something like that? I literally break into anxiety when I think I might be late somewhere. I will show up 20 minutes early to avoid being 2 minutes late. I would rather not go somewhere at all then to go and be late. I just can’t do it. James does not have this fear in the slightest capacity, so I can’t even count the number of times we have drove separate cars to the same place just so I could prevent being late (or right on time, which all people who have FOBL know is the exact same as being late). We learned this trick about 6 days into our marriage and it has been really helpful in saving us from many potential arguments.
Fear of Small Talk
Maybe I can blame being slightly introverted in personality, or maybe I have really terrible social skills, but I just HATE small talk. I love good, real conversation, but nothing drains me faster than sitting around and talking about how nice the weather is or your car that is in the shop or your new nail color or this event coming up next weekend or the newest movie in theaters or blah blah blah. I just DON’T CARE and I am horrible at pretending that I do care. I once got into an hour long argument about this at 3am with one of my best friends (shout out to my girl Lauren Wilcox)- she just didn’t understand why I can’t small talk, and I couldn’t understand why she likes to. (Don’t worry, we learned to accept our differences and we still love each other). My Fear Of Small Talk comes into play strongest whenever we are in social situations with a bunch of acquaintances and I have run out of words and have nothing left to say. I just stand there awkwardly until I can drag James (who can talk all day long) out the door. Oh, and my least favorite question of ALL TIME is “how are you doing?” which can also be spun as “how is everything going?” I can never think of ANYTHING to answer more exciting than “everything is great!” to that and I just sit there thinking about how boring my life evidently is.
Fear of Over Socialization
I love people. I just happen to love people in small, planned out doses. I will never be the person that’s like “let’s hang out all day long!” No. After about 2 hours, I am done and I need time to recover. I promise I really do love you and want to see you eventually, but not for at least 2 days. I plan all of our social activities on our calendar at least a couple weeks or month in advance, and I don’t like to “spontaneously” hang out. I know myself, and I have to store up my social energy in order to prepare to be on my best behavior, and once I run out, I am grumpy, and no one likes Grumpy Katie. I also have a fear of staying places too long; as soon as I get to a party or hangout, I am immediately forming an exit strategy- how we are going to leave, what time we will leave, who all we need to talk to before we can leave, etc. I am married to the most extroverted, social person ever, so we have developed a good, compromising system of “we are going to this person’s house for exactly 1 hour and 45 minutes, and when 9pm hits, we are leaving, not a minute later.” Also, having to ride somewhere with someone else could send me into a panic because us leaving is dependent on when they want to leave, not me, and I guess I may be a slight control freak, because I can’t handle that. It’s kind of ridiculous. Whatever. When too much is too much, I am done.
Well there you go. Now that I have admitted my Top Four Most Ridiculous Fears to the World Wide Web, I am slightly embarrassed, but also a little humored at how ridiculous the things that go on in my head actually are. It probably wouldn’t kill me to buy someone I care about a gift, show up on time somewhere (but never late, lets not get too crazy), endure some small talk or hang out a little longer for the sake of forming a connection and friendship. Maybe it’s time to live on the wild side and start the conquer these things. Just maybe. 🙂
Happy Monday Everyone!
Katie
Above All Else 